It’s so frustrating not being able to wear clothes for this weather. I wish I could go out confidently with a skirt on or something like all the other girls in college but I always wear clothes that cover me up as much as possible. I’m not even comfortable wearing a t-shirt. I always feel self-conscious and it’s so fucking annoying.
Three years ago I used to talk to so many people. Now I literally talk to just my closest friends, and these days I don’t call/ text anyone. It’s probably not even exam stress since I’ve been procrastinating my life away, I just don’t check my phone all day. But I miss that thrill, of getting a text from someone I like. When I had a BB, I’d just get so excited to see the red light come up and rush to check if it was that one person. Now, it’s barely anyone. It’s a blessing and a curse. Some nights I wish I had those long late night calls like I used to. Once I stayed up until 5 talking to this one person, and now I have a non existent social life outside my 2 circles of friends. I hope uni changes that. And then I wish I didn’t have to go to uni and grow up. There’s never a happy medium.
The worst part of missing someone is not remembering what their voice used to sound like.
So my college is doing this ‘Love hearts’ thing for valentines where you buy a pack of love hearts with a message for someone and it gets delivered to them (like Mean Girls) and everyone’s talking about how they’re gonna send ‘joke love hearts’ and I have a feeling I’ll be the joke ahahahaha not funny.
It’s been 10 years since my brother passed away. A whole decade and it still hurts like it happened today. This day is always confusing because it’s my other brother’s birthday as well, so the family usually celebrate his birthday another time. But since he’s going back to uni as well, we cut the cake before he left.
But today I haven’t done anything apart from my dad with his work and finish bio revision FINALLYYYY. Since I woke up at 12 I wasted half of the day -.- Have to go back to college tomorrow, not looking forward to seeing people’s faces that I hate lolol. K.
SORRY FOR THE LONG ASS POST BUT HAD TO.
I’ve had the most amazing birthday I could ever wish for, and I didn’t think anyone would buy me gifts or I’d even get a card. I need to realise that I’m so blessed to have amazing family and friends that are always there for me, instead of being depressed all the time about nothing. The amount of love I received today <3.
College was hilarious, my friends were just acting like fools as usual and making me laugh. Accidently walked in on my friends writing my ‘surprise card’. Two mates fell over during lunch time while other people who didn’t know us in our college were just laughing at them. Then my friends surprised me with a birthday cake and sang to me<3. It was so cute of them. And maths was pretty fun too (I feel so lame for writing all this up lols). And in general, my friends just made the rest of my day. Oh, and an ex best friend said happy birthday which I was not expecting!
Then got home and did some food shopping with my mum, thinking that my day ended in college and it was back to normal. But mum kept dropping hints that something special was going to happen. So I’m sitting at my laptop, turn around, AND MY BRO FROM UNI CAME TO VISIT. I was telling everyone how upset I was that he wasn’t going to be there for my birthday but they were planning it all along haha. Then dad came home and the present giving began. I’ve honestly never been so blessed in my life. New laptop, gold bracelet, money from family in Pakistan, two bouquets of flowers and Hotel Chocolat chocolates. I literally have no words. I told my family not to get me anything for the rest of my life. I’m not good with expensive things, I always get worried that I won’t use them enough haha.
But there were people missing from the day that I wished could be there. My best friends from HFD including K(untilyouweregone), my best friend S(youbelongwithmex) who was ill and couldn’t come into college, and my oldest brother, Omar, who I miss deeply.
Moral of the day, there are people out there who love you, even if you don’t see it yourself.
Thank you so much!